Michelle proudly supporting W-BAD (photo contributed by Michelle)
Prepared by: Wayne Douglas, W-BAD Founder
Date: 2 July 2022
After reading the reasons for the tribute together with concerns raised on this page, please feel free to visit the Tribute Page
World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day (W-BAD) is honoured to pay tribute to Michelle Goulevitch for her significant contributions in helping to revive the platform. Put simply, if it wasn’t for Michelle, W-BAD would have been lost forever.
Recognized as an honorary member in memoriam alongside the late Prof. Heather Ashton (after accepting an offer to become part of W-BAD to which she said it was an honour), she rallied alongside me with invaluable practical support and guidance, almost on a daily basis, for just over a year.
With the recent release of the film As Prescribed featuring W-BAD, it is with thanks to Michelle’s dedication that there is now hope for many, as the W-BAD beacon of light shines on once again for all those who have been abandoned and neglected by the systems, and I’m sure anyone would agree that we can all feel a sense of pride and gratitude towards Michelle for her significant and selfless contributions to the cause and to the revival of W-BAD – a platform that also carries the late Prof. Heather Ashton’s honour.
While there appears to have been an ongoing systematic erasing of Michelle’s legacy from online sources, suggestions have been made hinting at the possibility that perhaps Michelle may not have wished for a public tribute.
After having been so open and publicly vocal herself, if there is indeed any validity in this suggestion, one possible theory might seem that perhaps she felt abandoned by the systems that had let her down and just wanted to be free from everything, although given everything that she has clearly said and done over the years in standing for the cause, this would seem difficult to imagine.
In supporting the beliefs that Michelle herself has clearly demonstrated, please join in paying tribute to her, reaffirming that she mattered then, she still matters now, and that she will always matter. May her memory, spirit and all that she stood for live on.
With concerns having been raised regarding Michelle’s connection to W-BAD and the personal tribute, I have carefully prepared responses to each of these which can be read below.
I would like to thank those who have shared their concerns with regards to paying tribute to Michelle and upholding her legacy.
My initial response was delayed due to the fact that I had been incredibly busy with the revival of World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day (W-BAD) – an undertaking where Michelle rallied alongside me as a fellow Kiwi (something she was delighted to discover) with pivotal support and encouragement, getting us through many difficulties, while we worked towards reviving the platform for the general public and those who depend on it for valuable information, hope and validation – a tremendous effort that I am most grateful for.
She continued actively contributing right up until the time of her passing, and I have only just relaunched it with her blessings. I have also been extremely busy preparing for the first July 11 event since Michelle and I revived the platform together.
Regarding the concerns about the connection between Michelle and W-BAD, please bear in mind that W-BAD is not a tangible organisation as such (nor is it registered as one), rather it is a global movement for the people – all done on a volunteer basis without funding by people (mainly myself) while scraping by in an ongoing state of hardship.
People may feel rest assured that any inclusions regarding Michelle are based on her own expressed devotions to being part of W-BAD and these are being maintained for the sole purpose of honouring and remembering her wonderful spirit and her dedication to W-BAD while allowing others to share their love, respects and gratitude.
I sincerely hope this correspondence will help share a better understanding with regards to Michelle’s integral involvement in W-BAD and why she became an honorary member alongside the late Prof. Heather Ashton.
With this in mind, please allow me to share some information that should help give some reassurance with regards to the concerns raised, specifically:
Michelle’s Connection to W-BAD
Benzo Warrior Support / Michelle’s Story and Legacy
Paying Tribute to Michelle
Other Concerns Raised
Personal Situation
NB: Please excuse any repetitions as the following was in response to two lots of concerns without sufficient time to amalgamate.
1. Michelle’s Connection to W-BAD
In helping to share some reassurances, the main points that support Michelle’s connection to W-BAD are as follows.
Michelle’s written acceptance of an offer to join W-BAD.
The above acceptance being shared in an email to eighteen members of the community including Michelle.
Michelle’s dedication to W-BAD.
Michelle being instrumental in W-BAD’s revival.
A message from the person who raised the concerns supporting the fact that Michelle would want to be remembered for her part in W-BAD.
Supporting records of Michelle’s connection / dedication to W-BAD.
Michelle’s implicit trust in me and W-BAD / Our shared values.
Michelle’s insights that made W-BAD’s revival possible.
Michelle’s spirit living on in W-BAD.
Regarding Michelle’s connection to W-BAD, first of all, please let me say that if it wasn’t for Michelle W-BAD would have been lost forever. Put quite simply, no Michelle equals no W-BAD. This together with her desire to become involved is what has made her an integral part of this global initiative, helping to spare many others the same suffering that she had to endure, holding true to her beliefs and motivations and all that she stands for.
1.1. Michelle’s Written Acceptance / Our Friendship
While I mentioned in the original tribute that Michelle and I first became friends in August 2020, looking back at our conversations, we had actually linked up earlier back in June 2020.
During our first call we talked for about two hours, finding that we were completely on the same page and instantly got along, sharing a great friendship from that moment onward. We stayed in regular contact, mostly on a daily basis, for more than a year thereafter.
While having already had several discussions on the matter, in August 2020, I formally invited Michelle to become part of W-BAD. On 30 August 2020 at 9.23am, after having looked over a proposal for the restructuring of W-BAD and for her to be accepted onto the team, she replied as follows.
“Hi Wayne.. I was replying from bed and accidentally hit send before I was done!!
…Thank you for considering me Wayne, it is a huge honor. Kind regards, Michelle” (Being a fellow Kiwi, it seems that perhaps the US spelling of “honour” may have been an autocorrection).
1.2. Sharing of Written Acceptance
Michelle’s wish to be officially involved with W-BAD was then sent out later that same day on 30 August 2020 as part of a proposal before eighteen members of the community.
As above, Michelle assisted with the checking of this proposal. She commented, “Hi Wayne, I enjoyed our chat the other night. Thank you for sending this through. I have read it over a few times now as I’m having my morning hot water (no coffee sadly!)… Your summary is strong and clear and the values you mention come through in your writing too.”
1.3. Michelle’s Dedication to W-BAD
In addition to Michelle wanting to become part of W-BAD, she dedicated herself to working closely with me on the revival of the platform every day for over a year – in other words, she dedicated the last year of her life to the revival of W-BAD.
There are over two-hundred pages of messages alone between us, many emails, countless calls and more than eighty voice messages showing her full dedication and support for W-BAD along with her wish to be an integral part of this global initiative.
As further backing to show Michelle’s support, she told me that she had made a note on her calendar on 4 July 2021 (and an earlier note due to postponement), as that is when we launched the initiative to liberate W-BAD together.
This further shows that Michelle fully supported me all the way in a combined effort to recover W-BAD from those who had been effectively subverting the platform, and in turn, placing a limitation on people’s voices being heard – something Michelle herself was struggling with as shown in her own SOS message.
1.4. Michelle Being Instrumental in W-BAD’s Revival
It was Michelle’s insights in identifying the dynamics that had been undermining W-BAD in recent years, together with her invaluable advice and guidance, that was instrumental in being able to revive the W-BAD platform, and as mentioned above, without Michelle, W-BAD would no longer exist.
1.5. Show of Support for Michelle’s Connection to W-BAD
In addition to the above facts supporting Michelle’s connection to W-BAD, upon initial contact with the person raising the concerns, they shared the following response on 27 August 2021.
“Hi Wayne, I’m just getting in touch with you regarding the tribute you want to write for Michelle… I know she would want to be remembered for her part in world benzo awareness day…”
1.6. Supporting Records of Michelle’s Connection / Dedication to W-BAD
In case there are any lingering concerns regarding Michelle’s connection to W-BAD, people can feel rest assured that while all of the aforementioned correspondence between Michelle and me can be made available, the content is unfavourable towards anyone setting out to subvert Michelle’s legacy, all that she stood for, or her memory. To the contrary, there is content which may be detrimental to anyone seeking to erase Michelle’s legacy and what she stands for.
1.7. Michelle’s Implicit Trust in Me and W-BAD / Our Shared Values
Michele’s implicit trust in me is clearly apparent in the fact that she shared with me many of her personal stories and many of her concerns right up until her final few days just in the same way as the late Prof. Heather Ashton, as a world renowned authority who had closely studied human behaviour, confided in me about many matters over many years.
There are many shared values between Michelle and me, which is what initially brought us together. On 8 June 2021, one year after we first met, I wrote “Thank you for believing in me Michelle…” to which she replied “It is easy to believe in you Wayne. You have integrity and compassion, two of the most important qualities in a human being. You have a lot of other fantastic qualities too.”
Many of the values we shared together can be seen on the W-BAD Values Page. The mutual respect and implicit trust between us is vivid throughout our entire correspondence. She often used to say, “You’re man of principle Wayne.”
1.8. Michelle’s Insights that Made W-BAD’s Revival Possible
As mentioned, key to the success of reviving W-BAD was Michelle’s insights into the dynamics that had been undermining the platform, and between us, while sharing many common values, we formed a unique skillset – this too often prompting Michelle to say that our coming together was meant to be.
While helping with the revival of W-BAD, Michelle imparted with me much of her vast knowledge on the behaviour of those who base their actions on the principle of reversals, and it’s with thanks to her that I now have a relatively insightful understanding with regards to how some of the underlying dynamics work, so that integrity, values and principles can be better protected for just and truthful reasons.
Some of the undermining dynamics she brought to my attention include DARVO type practices, whereby those who seek to uphold the truth and integrity (for righteous reasons) are made out to be the aggressors or wrongdoers, while the accusers and those seeking to undermine are made out to be the innocent victims in a complete reversal of any given situation, effectively reframing how others perceive things, as well as social grooming where people can be unwittingly conditioned and used as tools to move things in a completely opposing direction.
This while noting that the opposite of integrity is hypocrisy where those making claims present to be in support of something while actually undermining it.
With the knowledge and insights that Michelle has imparted with me, and while wary of potential external influences, it would seem that while I am endeavouring to honour Michelle, uphold her beliefs and all that she stands for, ironically, accusations of dishonouring Michelle are arising, when in fact the opposite is true. Similarly, amidst concerns being raised, in a complete reversal, there has effectively been an ongoing erasing of Michelle’s legacy and all that she stands for.
Many would agree that instances like these usually work the other way around, i.e. those claiming wrongdoings are usually the ones setting out to protect, uphold and honour against those who are setting out to subvert, erase and dishonour (more details in section 4.8b below).
1.9. Michelle’s Spirit Living on in W-BAD
The point is that while there are wider influences out there working to oppose all of the valuable work done, it is Michelle’s values, knowledge and insights that help us to protect what has kept W-BAD and the truth alive.
With W-BAD having been revived and featuring in the movie As Prescribed, Michelle has helped to relight a flame – her spirit living on in W-BAD providing hope for millions worldwide – something we can all feel proud of and grateful for.
2. Benzo Warrior Support / Michelle’s Story and Legacy
2.1. Benzo Warrior – Founded by Michelle
As most people are aware, Michelle established Benzo Warrior some years ago as a support group for people suffering from iatrogenic benzodiazepine dependency and as a platform to help raise vital public awareness while advocating wider global understanding of this massive social issue that is devastating lives worldwide.
2.2. The Benzo Warrior Logo on Michelle’s Tribute
Regarding the Benzo Warrior logo that was initially included on Michelle’s tribute page, while I have since removed it as an act of good faith, please feel rest assured that the sharing of logos between various support groups is common and generally accepted practice.
In the same way that Michelle and others have shared the W-BAD logo on various websites and social media platforms over the years, it’s all about supporting each other for the sake of the wider cause, and in this case, more specifically, it was for the sole purpose of paying tribute to Michelle and promoting the organisation that she established, and therefore, it was used on a “fair use” basis, something Michelle would have wholeheartedly supported.
More concerning, however, is when searching the Benzo Warrior website, it appears that anything relating to Michelle including information as Founding Director, her story and all other references made to her have since been removed from the platform.
2.3. Benzo Warrior’s Traditional Support for W-BAD
Michelle made clear that she advocated Benzo Warrior’s support for W-BAD, a fact shown in the following messages.
18 June 2020 17:52: “Hey, Wayne, I hope you don’t mind me sending you a voice message. When I noticed that W-BAD had been set up by a New Zealander, which was last year, I was very excited, and I thought, how cool! Not cool that you had been affected by benzos, but how cool that a Kiwi had done this. Ah, what you’ve done is amazing… Next time you’re in Auckland it would be really cool to catch up… Let me know if there’s anything I can do to help you promote W-BAD. We normally do push it in the group…”
21 June 2020, 19:03: “Hi Michele Thank you so much for posting the W-BAD promotion. I’m working on a video now for July 11 and it’s kick-arse. Speak again soon Take care”
21 June 2020, 19:20: “Hi Wayne You are very welcome. I’ll keep posting it in the group and on the awareness page. Can’t wait to see the video!! Talk soon”
27 August 2020, 15:18: “Hi Michelle, Hope things are going ok for you. Thank you so much again for supporting W-BAD. Would it be okay to touch base with you again soon? Do you have time tomorrow?”
27 August 2020, 16:36: “Hey Wayne Sooo strange you messaged me as you were on my mind the other day and I was going to touch base to ask how you were? It’s our pleasure to support W-BAD. I’d love to touch base again. I can talk tomorrow or on the weekend if that helps too. What time did you have in mind for tomorrow? Cheers ”
In contrast to this traditional support from Michelle’s Benzo Warrior platform, any recent posts from W-BAD including those advocating the common cause, the positives in participation, values etc. are now being blocked. It appears that the recent culture may be heading in a direction that contrasts with the founding values associated with Michelle’s beliefs, her founding intentions and the way in which she had been consistently operating her platform over many years.
2.4. Michelle’s Legacy
In addition to the above, whenever searching the internet it would seem apparent that Michelle’s legacy is slowly being erased along with all that she stood for, which presents in contrast to Michelle’s values and undermines her motivations for making her materials public. Further, despite the outpouring of respects for Michelle, the tributes part of her Facebook page has also been hidden from public view, effectively denying many of her friends the opportunity to mourn, pay their respects and to share in Michelle’s memory.
2.5. Michelle’s Story
Included in the apparent erasing of Michelle’s publicised writings is her story.
During one of our early Messenger calls, Michelle and I openly discussed our stories. She told me that she had read my story on my Benzo Case Japan website and said that she was so sorry for what I’ve had to go through. She told me that she had also published her story for the same reason, i.e. that it’s important to have the truth known for the purpose of raising awareness and to help prevent the same thing from happening to others – to spare others the same dreadful suffering.
For this reason, Michelle published her story under the title, “How I Got A Brain Injury from Prescribed Medications”. She did this on 1 May 2019 on the Benzo Warrior Blog page at the link below.
I told Michelle some time ago that I would be happy to cover her story on the W-BAD stories page, and again, she said that she would be honoured.
After her passing, following an initial period of mourning, while I was beginning to work on the wording of her tribute, one of the first things I did was secure Michelle’s story for her.
With her story since having been removed from her very own platform, I have upheld Michelle’s beliefs and values and kept my promise to her by sharing it on the W-BAD website, where being true to Michelle and for the reasons she had shared it herself, it stands along with her honour and legacy.
3. Paying Tribute to Michelle
3.1. My Written Tribute
Many would appreciate that writing a tribute for a dear friend is fundamental right – a basic freedom of expression in showing gratitude and respect.
For the sole purpose of paying tribute to Michelle, the content is based on information that she herself made public and is composed entirely of my own writings, and therefore, any inclusions are made as “fair use” and transformable information that is in line with Michelle’s beliefs and values.
As previously mentioned, with regards to the video tribute, I have since removed it as an act of good faith, and with the exception of the neutral photos, those shared in the public domain and those that she has shared with W-BAD directly, I have also removed all other photos from Michelle’s tribute page.
With regards to the photos that Michelle herself has shared openly in the public domain, they have been used as “fair use” for the sole purpose of paying tribute to Michelle.
Please feel rest assured that the tribute is not about anyone else other than Michelle – it is for Michelle only. It is for the sole purpose of paying tribute to Michelle while upholding her beliefs and values.
The tribute also provides a place where people close to Michelle can pay their respects to her wonderful spirit. Below are some comments that people have shared.
Tribute Comments:
This is so beautifully and thoughtfully written.
That is the most beautiful tribute I have ever read for anyone ever ❤
This is the most Beautiful, touching, heartfelt tribute I have ever read… I imagine that she will live on in everyone’s Heart forever !
Eloquently, perfectly written about a beautiful woman we got to call friend.
Standing, clapping, crying… Surely wherever she is she is in eternal comfort and smiling down on this tribute full of gratitude for your ❤️
(see appendix for more)
3.2. Michelle’s Values, Beliefs and Legacy
I am sure anyone would agree that neither Michelle nor her legacy should ever be treated as another’s property, nor should her beliefs be based upon subjectivity or the interpretations of others, rather they should be interpreted based on Michelle’s own actions and words and what she herself represents, along with supporting information that backs Michelle’s values, as her legacy should never be about anyone else – it should only ever be about Michelle and what she herself stands for.
With this in mind, it is fair to say that we can gain a better understanding of what Michelle’s beliefs and values are through looking at her own actions and writings.
Understanding Michelle’s beliefs:
We can see from her acceptance of becoming part of W-BAD, saying that it is a huge honour, Michelle’s beliefs are such that she supports W-BAD and identifies with being part of it.
Michelle’s devoted support to W-BAD shows us her beliefs are such that she would like others (including those close to her) to also lend their support, and in doing so, helping a cause that Michelle has strongly believed in and heavily supported over many years, i.e. supporting what she stands for.
Michelle talking openly about her story and personal accounts across multiple public platforms, while encouraging others to do the same, both on the Personal Stories page and the Blogs and Stories page at Benzo Warrior, shows us her beliefs are such that she advocates the importance of publicising, not only her own stories, but also those of others to help raise vital awareness for the purpose of sparing others the same unnecessary suffering – to support the upholding of Michelle’s story is to support the upholding of Michelle’s beliefs.
We can see from Michelle’s expressed showings of support on behalf of Benzo Warrior her beliefs are such that she would like this support to continue.
Michelle continuing to support the cause until the very end shows us her beliefs are such that she would like the cause to continue with her blessings.
The values Michelle listed on her website, including: Integrity, Compassion and Support shows us her beliefs are such that she supports the same values that she upheld as a key contributor to the revival of W-BAD and for the wider cause.
Michelle began identifying with the name Laurice in an effort to uphold her own beliefs and defend them, appearing as we now see it on her Facebook account.
3.3. Upholding Promises / Honouring Michelle
While upholding my promise to Michelle and while keeping in line with her expressed wishes to be part of W-BAD, as it is no longer possible to include her as a regular member, I have instead included her as an honorary member in memoriam alongside the late Prof. Heather Ashton – a highly regarded world leading authority on a subject that Michelle has wholeheartedly supported, and I’m sure anybody would agree that this is a befitting and truly honourable gesture.
Understanding Michelle’s beliefs above, based on her own actions and words, and what she herself represents, along with supporting information that backs Michelle’s values is the key to honouring her in the true sense, and I would like to ask that people please lend their support in that regard – not for me personally but for Michelle.
4. Other Concerns Raised
4.1. Suggestion About Using Michelle’s Legacy for Ulterior Agendas
As outlined in section one above, people can feel completely rest assured that any inclusions of Michelle are for the sole purpose of paying tribute to her.
4.2. Suggestion About Using Images without Permission
Please see sections 2.2 and 3.1 above.
(2.2. The Benzo Warrior Logo on Michelle’s Tribute)
(3.1. My Written Tribute)
4.3. Suggestion About the W-BAD Relaunch Timing and Using Michelle
Regarding the timing of the W-BAD relaunch, the initial plan was to try and relaunch it by the end of 2021, but as always, more and more things needed to be done. On top of the year that Michelle and I spent on resurrecting W-BAD together, I spent an additional year rebuilding the platform after it had been subjected to internal subversion, entailing an immense amount of work, totalling between twenty to thirty hours a week over a two year period. The sheer workload resulted in the relaunch being postponed many times over, before eventually relaunching on 22 May 2022 – that is to say, it was determined simply by time, workload and circumstance.
A similar concern was raised with regards to the timing of the call for revival on 4 July 2021, and again, it all came down to sheer workload while being unable to postpone any further before 11 July (see section 2 of Responding to Concerns Raised).
People can feel rest assured that there has never been, nor will there ever be, any intention on my part to use Michelle’s legacy to garner wider support for my own purposes. I have already contributed considerably to the cause (averaging twenty to thirty hours per week, which has become the working norm) for around twenty years as an established figure in my own right – the mere thought would never enter my mind, as it is not in my persona or in my realm of ethics to do so.
4.4. Suggestion About Using Michelle to Attract Donations
The fact that a donation button appears on the W-BAD website has no relevance to Michelle’s tribute. While there is a donation button on both the W-BAD website and my BCJ website, contributions seldom ever come in – the general consensus seeming to be that all is okay because Wayne is going to shoulder everything while in an ongoing state of hardship and borderline homelessness when the reality is that I have broken down somewhere around fifteen times during my efforts to contribute to the cause over the last twenty years – most related costs coming at my own expense (see PDF on donations page).
4.5. Suggestion About Michelle Being in Altered State / Her Support for W-BAD Not Special
Anybody would agree that Michelle had an incredible intellectual capacity and that she was suffering from withdrawal.
To quote from the tribute, “Many others have commented on how articulate Michelle was, and indeed, that was incredibly so, as well as she was extremely literate. She later told me that, although she comes across as functional, she was often heavily relying on experiences and skills previously learnt, as the prescribed drugs had been causing her significant cognitive impairment, so much so that we can only imagine just how truly amazing she really was.”
Michelle and I were in close contact for just over a year, and I am aware of her condition during that time, which is also a year when Michelle rallied alongside me with practical support and direct participation in in the actual revival of W-BAD. It must be said that despite her deteriorating condition, she was still incredibly articulate, switched on and very sharp, picking up on many key defining intricacies with significantly helpful advice and guidance.
While finding it difficult to understand how her sharing of wider support is meant to detract from the fact that she showed devoted support for W-BAD and its revival, there is absolutely no doubt that Michelle also lent her support to many others as well – again showing the beauty of her nature and her dedication to the overall cause.
4.6. Suggestion About Not Understanding Michelle’s Situation
To the contrary, I was quite well aware of Michelle’s situation, as we had been in regular contact almost on a daily basis, and she shared much about her life with me.
I know that she was grateful for having had the support that she did, often sharing empathy for others who were not so fortunate.
Having gone through BZ withdrawal myself, and while suffering from the associated life damages, I can totally relate to the anxiety associated with feeling trapped and alone. I often used to take Michelle out and about, albeit via video calls, something she really appreciated.
Michelle was an incredibly gifted and intelligent lady, and while wanting to help her anyway possible, anyone would agree that it was painful to see her in decline.
4.7. Suggestion About Actively Representing Michelle
Regarding a suggestion about representing Michelle, it would be fair to say that Michelle represents herself in all that she has done through her own actions and words. Again, my only intention is to pay tribute to her.
4.8a. Suggestion About Distancing
It has been suggested that there was a distancing between Michelle and me.
With a full record of our communications, it is difficult to see that there was any distancing, to the contrary, we were tightknit the entire time – a fact reflected in both written messages and recorded voice messages, as well as in the clear consistent showings of mutual respect and trust.
It is conceivable that it might have been challenging at times to balance her time between helping to revive W-BAD and her usual routine of providing support for others, especially around the launching of the call to revive W-BAD when things got a bit frantic, but again, she was right there with me the whole way.
I am also aware that she was afraid of others who had been involved in the W-BAD administration at the time (those who were responsible for the subverting of the platform) and with her deteriorating condition she felt that she was unable to take part in W-BAD as she had hoped.
Not wanting to disappoint, I am aware that she had asked Geraldine for advice, and Geraldine suggested to Michelle that she just tell me straight because I would understand and support her in any decision that she made, which is exactly what happened, and I shared with her my full understanding and support, encouraging her to focus on her health.
Our initial communications to revive W-BAD soon became about getting help for Michelle. I was in contact with her the whole time, and she trustingly shared with me the difficulties that she was experiencing.
4.8b. Suggestion About Distancing Continued (Identifying External Undermining Dynamics)
Michelle helped me to identify the dynamics that had been undermining W-BAD and my own credibility along with it. She has imparted with me incredible knowledge and insights into how others can manipulate situations to reframe events and rewrite the narrative (also see section 1.8 above and the W-BAD relaunch notice).
These include manipulations based on reversals whereby those who seek to uphold the truth and integrity are made out to be the aggressors or wrongdoers, while the accusers and those seeking to undermine on the other hand are made out to be the innocent victims in a complete reversal of any given situation, effectively reframing how others perceive things.
Other manoeuvres include making claims and accusations to divert focus, shift blame etc., taking things out of context and construing it for the purpose of discrediting the intended target, damaging their reputation and driving them into social isolation, ploys that have the ability to completely undermine individuals, groups and even entire organisations, resulting in untold damage.
Often the target is forced into defensive patters known as JADE, whereby they find themselves needing to engage with the accuser as per the acronym, namely: Justify, Argue, Defend and Explain.
There are also more subtle snipes with preloaded comments and innuendos making inferences that are untrue all based on attacks delivered in stealth-like fashion, designed to make the unsuspecting target doubt themselves, effectively creating a hostile environment where they themselves constantly walking on eggshells.
When Michelle and I liberated W-BAD, an accusation had surfaced suggesting that I was a “misogynist,” saying that they had seen copies of message exchanges to that effect.
The truth be known, the opposite is true, as I have often been criticised for always sticking up for womenfolk, and indeed, all of the honorary W-BAD members are all women (only by coincidence mind you, as everything should always be based on merit).
This serves as a perfect example of how these manipulations influence others’ perceptions. To be honest, I had never heard of the word misogynist before, and when I mentioned it to Michelle, she said, “Oh…Wayne, you are so NOT.”
In contrast to this type of manipulative construing, thanks to Michelle’s valuable insights, I was able to predict any possible backlash and availed a 1,227 page record (The W-BAD Chronicle) and The W-BAD Report (47 pages) and appendices (25 pages) along with a set of about 10 accompanying documents based on solid facts ‘in context,’ showing the truth in its entirety and how my approach has always been based on compassion, integrity, protection, loyalty and many other values that can be tracked anywhere throughout the above chronicle using a series of about ninety search keys, which was publicly available for a time – a document that Michelle helped give careful guidance on. She called it “a beast”.
As mentioned above, there are many shared values between Michelle and me, which is what initially brought us together.
One more sure thing that reassures us of Michelle’s unwavering support was that on 8 June 2021, one year after we first met, I wrote “Thank you for believing in me Michelle…” to which she replied “It is easy to believe in you Wayne. You have integrity and compassion, two of the most important qualities in a human being. You have a lot of other fantastic qualities too.” She often ended her voice messages with “Take care my friend,” “Sending you love from New Zealand…” and others.
Many of the values we shared together can be seen on the W-BAD Values Page. The mutual respect and implicit trust between us is vivid throughout our entire correspondence. She often used to say, “You’re man of principle Wayne.”
Michelle also set up the new W-BAD Facebook page just weeks before her passing (Page created – 19 July 2021) after the old one had been destroyed, resulting in a loss of around 4,000 followers and 3,500 likes with a current need to rebuild and regain support.
4.9. Suggestion About Michelle Wanting to be Remembered for Her Achievements
Nobody doubts that Michelle would want to be remembered for her achievements. One significant achievement is the establishing of the Benzo Warrior platform from which her name has since been completely erased.
Perhaps one of the most significant achievements would be the reviving of World Benzodiazepine Awareness Day, which features in the film, As Prescribed, where Michelle helped to pull off this all-but-impossible achievement just in time for the official film release and screening at the Berkshire and Sheffield Film Festivals (the latter being the third largest documentary film festival in the world).
The film will later be appearing on the big screen and Amazon Prime worldwide, educating the masses and saving countless lives, sending many viewers to the W-BAD website for help.
This is a true godsend and a major part of Michelle’s legacy, as without Michelle, W-BAD would have been lost forever.
It is with thanks to her efforts and insights that there is now hope for BZ victims worldwide, as the W-BAD beacon of light and hope shines on once again for all those who have been abandoned and neglected by the systems.
While it is terribly sad that Michelle has gone from us, we can all share in a sense of comfort knowing that her spirit lives on, and that there is now the opportunity for us to carry the baton for her by defending the great work that she has done against those who seek to undermine her efforts and what she stands for.
With these things in mind, I would like to ask you all to please understand the reasons for Michelle’s involvement in W-BAD, and by doing so, continue to support her and the wider cause through her legacy.
5. Personal Situation
5.1. Life Circumstances
With regards to seeking financial reparations for the tribute to Michelle, please understand my personal situation is such that I find myself alienated in another country, living from hand to mouth on a daily basis, borderline homeless with nothing in the true sense of the word, reliant on others just to get by from day to day – all due to the combined effects of the prescribed drug damages, the injustices of the Japanese courts and displacement by the 3/11 megaquake and Fukushima nuclear disaster along with associated chronic life damages – struggling with subsequent depression and loneliness on a daily basis.
Everything I have been doing in relation to the benzodiazepine cause, which Michelle has been so much a part of, has been while scraping by on a razor’s edge, as shown in my story, the PDF on the donations page, and on the 2019 update on my Benzo Case Japan website.
The only thing to my name is unpaid debt incurred from the subsequent damages to my life. As well as having no money and no assets, for the most part I have no time, as I have been dedicating on average around twenty to thirty hours per week to the cause over the last twenty years and counting.
As mentioned earlier, while there is a donation button on the website, contributions seldom ever come in – the general consensus seeming to be that all is okay because Wayne is going to shoulder everything while in an ongoing state of hardship and borderline homelessness when the reality is that I have broken down somewhere around fifteen times during my efforts to contribute to the cause over the last twenty years.
To pursue financial reparations, when my only intention is to pay tribute to Michelle, would only serve to hurt her twice. Once in undermining her efforts to revive W-BAD and supressing awareness of the cause to which she dedicated many years (especially in the final year of her life), and secondly, in emptying her heartfelt purpose / intention to share compassion and support with those affected by the scourge of the benzodiazepine pandemic, effectively trampling her legacy and the dignity that she achieved in her efforts and struggles.
In Closing
Having to go through Michelle’s conversations has not been easy, resulting in upset and sleep disturbances. When going back over the correspondence between Michelle and me, what comes across is two caring people working closely together towards a common goal – a goal both of us strongly believe in. Another thing that comes across is the sense of, and dare I say it, love and respect between us – the same comment Michelle made when I read disclosable segments of letters from the Ashtons to her.
Michelle often ended her voice messages with “Take care my friend,” “Sending you love from New Zealand…” and other such expressions that reflected our mutual affection.
As a mark of genuine respect, I have carried Michelle’s tribute with me every day since nearly a year ago and intend to carry it with me for the year through to 19 August 2022, when I’ll place it somewhere for safekeeping, while putting her at ease in the knowledge that I have done my best to uphold her legacy and that W-BAD has successfully been relaunched with her express blessings, while honouring her direct participation and significant contributions to the actual revival of the platform.
While considering oneself to be a true friend of Michelle’s, and while considering oneself to have Michelle’s true beliefs at heart, I would like to ask that people join in upholding Michelle’s legacy and all that she stands for.
As mentioned earlier, Michelle often used to say that our coming together was meant to be. We know that she was there to help revive and support W-BAD when nobody else could have succeeded in that capacity, and now I need to be there for her again in protecting her legacy, and she would have liked nothing more than for people to support me in that effort while contributing to the cause, just as she herself has done, showing total dedication and willingness to identify with what is true and just.
It is fair to say that Michelle would likely be hurt if she knew that anybody was pursuing me in a negative way, and I sincerely hope that things can now move in a more positive direction.
Thank you all for having Michelle’s spirit at heart. With having only just relaunched W-BAD with her blessings, and with July 11 so close, I must now turn my attention back to the cause, which is exactly what she would always want.
P.S. The following are some comments people have shared.
Appendix
Tribute Comments
This is so beautifully and thoughtfully written.
That is the most beautiful tribute I have ever read for anyone ever ❤
This is the most Beautiful, touching, heartfelt tribute I have ever read. Through this, I feel I have met Michelle. I am so very sorry for her suffering, and now for your suffering and all that knew Michelle. I imagine that she will live on in everyone’s Heart forever !
Eloquently, perfectly written about a beautiful woman we got to call friend. Thank you Wayne Douglas
Your tribute was beautiful Wayne xx
Thank you for this beautiful tribute.
What a truly beautiful tribute to a truly beautiful soul. ✨
What a beautiful tribute, she was a very special person.❤
Standing, clapping, crying… Surely wherever she is she is in eternal comfort and smiling down on this tribute full of gratitude for your ❤️
Very beautiful touching tribute. I am so sorry for your loss. An amazing warrior that will always be in our hearts.
Condolences Wayne Douglas I hope you will help continue her work. Michelle Goulevitch would want that. May her sweet, kind spirit live in all of us.
This is a truly heartfelt tribute, my friend. Sorry for your loss. Not many people make such an impact on someone in such a short time, but it seems like you two were destined to meet. Take care and thanks for sharing
Beautifully written. I feel I know her through your words. My prayers for you, I’m sorry for the loss you have had. May your memory of Michelle, bring you comfort and strength in your days.
I didn’t realise you were so close to Michelle, Wayne… 😒 I can feel your pain for her in your words here. She really was a lovely person, and you really are a great guy… 💯
Beautifully worded tribute. Sending prayers and love.
What a beautiful tribute to a beautiful woman,, TY
She is a very very special person for everyone.
What a wonderful, heartfelt tribute.. Sad you have to Go through this.. 😢❤️
Thank you for this thorough and heartfelt tribute. Michelle and I became fast friends this past year, talking almost every day. She was just an amazing soul and I miss her.😢❤️
Absolutely a bright light has gone out on earth but will shine bright for all eternity 🦋❤️ I miss her
Thank you. It’s beautiful.
Sorry for your loss. You’ve written a beautiful tribute 💜 I imagine Michelle smiling and blushing …
A beautiful tribute to a wonderful human… thank you for sharing this… Aroha nui to you and yours.
Thank you. I miss Michelle with All my heart. She will always be my Angel 💓
That’s such a beautiful and fitting tribute. Thank you so much. ❤
May her memory always be a blessing! 💕🎶💔🎶💕
This is so heartbreaking! What beautiful words written!
Sooo strange you messaged me as you were on my mind the other day and I was going to touch base to ask how you were? It’s our pleasure to support W-BAD. I’d love to touch base again. I can talk tomorrow or on the weekend if that helps too. What time did you have in mind for tomorrow? Cheers